I accidentally had phone sex last night
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
