it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
