I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
