pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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