i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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