just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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