i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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