What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
