i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
