time to smoke my breakfast
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
