Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
