I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
