guys are not supposed to queef...right?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize
