If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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