i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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