My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
