yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
