I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
