peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
either way he was missing a nipple.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
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