Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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