I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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