remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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