I'm jealous of your bromance
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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