eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
