You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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