2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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