I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
