Having a random hookup so left but love u
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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