You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My pussy is not your playground.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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