when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
