i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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