Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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