I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
