So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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