We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
