You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
