Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
