But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
