I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
