Umm I'm too high to move.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You are a genius and a whore.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
