I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize