not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
