Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
