its not stalking. its research.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
