She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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