i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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