You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
