But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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