So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
