I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize