May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
