also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize