New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
