i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
