dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
