Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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