I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
