you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
When did angry sex become our thing?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
