she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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