i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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