you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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