I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
