im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
