I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
