you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize