Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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