Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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