You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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