How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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