I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
