I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
